I am around thirty, have been successfully self-employed for 8 years, and have done enough soul-searching to more or less work out who I am in this world. Part of that was fancying men.
A year and a half ago I experienced that beautiful, film-like situation of unexpectedly falling in love with another woman. For the first time.
Living in Liberal Town I assumed that this would be a pretty easy transition. I was wrong. It turns out that it’s an identity shift internally, as the future you have taken for granted is now turned on its head, and that as you try to work these things out for yourself it is the society around us is that is digging its heels in. There are no two ways about it, being gay (or being perceived as such) is more challenging that being straight, and requires different attention and skills to master fully.
Since my journey began into ‘becoming a lesbian’ there have been a variety of uniquely weird moments:
- Surprising moments – on our second date when I nipped to the loo only to find my date was actually following me in.
- Awkward moments – as I discovered (probably unsurprisingly if I’d thought about it) that lesbian porn is also entirely inaccurate.
- Sad moments– as I found out that some close family and friends actually did have problems with ‘my change’.
- Lonely moments – as well-meaning straight friends and misunderstanding gay friends revealed that I had no one close to talk to about ‘the transition’.
- Scary moments – when I dared to hold hands with my girlfriend in front of Eastern European policemen with guns.
- Positive moments – when I started getting a flood of work from my new lesbian community and contacts.
- Difficult moments – including spouts of lesbiaignorance or phobia during a smear test.
- Amusing moments – such as accidentally coming onto another female friend over text or finding myself having to reassure an ex-boyfriend that this had nothing to do with our previous sex life.
Underlying all this is a struggle with the gay/lesbian/straight/bi labels and a self acceptance of what, or rather whom, makes me happy now, and daring myself to be brave enough to follow that love.
The challenge continues…