AGBF* had been away for a couple of weeks. This always sends me wobbley. I was happy to have him back, and a dinner and a wine catch up was planned. There’d been an email whilst away but basically he knew nothing.

So I started with Straight Boy**. I described his ideal description and embellished on the time spent together (3 or 4 average dates including one sleepover). AGBF was unimpressed:

“Do you realise that you’ve been talking about Straight Boy for 5 minutes, not said one positive thing about him and have mentioned Foreign Woman*** 5 times?”


Nonchalantly: “You fancy her.”

“WHAT?!But, but….I don’t fancy women!!”

“You’re in Liberal Town^, get over it.”

I was stunned.

Of course I was stunned, because he was right.

I fancied a woman.

I HAD BECOME A GAY! What does this mean? How has this happened? Have I always been oppressed? SHIT!!!!!!

But he was right. ( In fact at the sleepover date with Straight Boy I had spent the whole night dreaming of Foreign Woman doing – well whatever it is that Lesbian women do in bed. Frankly I had no idea.)

It felt so naughty, it felt so dangerous, it threw up a multitude of questions.

I then proceeded to have a mini overexcited meltdown in which I flitted about and came to terms (for the short term) with the possibility of this situation actually existing outside of my head. But what to do next?

AGBF: “Get rid of Straight Boy, ask Foreign Woman out on a date.”

Another 10 minutes of flapping pursued.

Really I was aware that I was on the edge with Foreign Woman already. My uncertainty and inconsistency I knew must have come across as messing her around, leading her on and fobbing her off. I knew I would have to make an official offer – by using the D word. So nearly 1 in the morning on the walk back from AGBF’s house I texted her:

“ I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me? (Smiley face and all the rest of it)”

She replied instantly (not something I have ever experienced in heterosexual courting rituals), and the arrangements were made.

Of course I still had to let Straight Boy down. I did that over the phone a couple of days later. It wasn’t pleasant but he got it, and no I didn’t bring up my recent sexual orientation crisis as a factor

*Actual Gay Best Friend

**Straight Boy was the lovely, but a bit unfortunate, boy I was dating when I realised I wasn’t 100% straight. I’m not sure he’ll ever have a similar revelation.

***The First Woman I have ever fallen for.

^Liberal Town is the city I am lucky enough to live in.